I got a new job and it came at the best time!

I can't believe it I finally got a job that I have wanted for a long time it is like a dream come true! On november 10th I will be starting my new job as a Phlebotomist at Mountain Star Clinical Laboratories. This month will be a hard one to get through but this should help keep my mind off of my 1 year anniversary date where I had to make the choice to save my life and say goodbye to my baby. It was one of the hardest choices I have had had to make but I knew that I need to stay for my daughter and my husband. I remember sitting in the doctor office and he was giving me the choices of what needed to be done. He asked me if I wanted anymore kids I told him "NO" I am so done with having kids after two other miscarriages and this one being such a shock that I felt done. Then my amazing husband looked at him and said "Yes she still wants to have kids" when my head didn't know what to think. My husband spoke what my heart wanted and for that I am thankful for. I know that my husband knows my heart and that when I say one thing he knows the right time to step in and say what needed to be said. I am so glad that I have the doctor that I have right now he has taken the time and answer all my calls and questions even the little silly ones. The Medical Assistants brooke I am glad she came in at the right time I was able to open up to her and she shared her life story with me.

Being a Working Mother and I'm going to school for a month in August.

Growing up I never had the chance to do sports or to really take piano lessons or violin lessons because my family never had the money for me to be able to do things I really wanted to take part in or to be able to excel at and to get better at so that I could be really good in. That takes lessons and lots of practice in order to be able to get better at those things. In high school I found what my sport was and that was swimming, looking back I wish my parents would have had the money let me do it. My mom was a stay at home mom while my dad was the one that worked. He went back and forth with jobs and a lot of times they had welfare, now there isn't anything wrong with that i just wasn't able to do what I would have liked to do. Now some wonder why I chose to work full time instead of being a stay at home mom. I choose to work so that my husband didn't feel the financial stress of being a 1 person income now we are a 2 person income and so the stress tends to be less. We hardly ever have disagreements about money issues and he and I are happy, we also wouldn't have what we have if I would have stayed home with our daughter. Even though we are moving I would have had my house payed off before I hit 40 that is something alot of people in this day and age don't reach, or reach it at an later stage in life. We love all our cars and just purchased a new trailer for our four wheeler's. That is hardly the case though, I wanted my daughter to do any sport or musical instrument that she wanted lessons in, and give her more then what I had growing up. I also will teach her that she needs to earn things to, and work hard for the things she has. Yet how I grew up taught me that money wasn't important that I don't need it to be happy in life. If you put yourself to the task you will be able to achieve more than what you can. Then there is another thing in life she learns family is important the best thing in life is the bonds that you have and share with your grandparents. Those memories that you create with them are so important to your life, they wont ever leave your mind. My daughter isn't in a day care, she spends each day that my husband and I are working with either grandparents they have their days with her. These times with them help her develop a special bond with each one of them, and sometimes she spends the day at her aunt house to. She is always with family, if my husband and I aren't able to make it to family gatherings she goes with the grandparents so she meets the other family members. I let her go on trips with her grandparents to, though this separation can be hard and we miss her, she enjoys the time she has with the people she is with. She has an amazing bond with both sets of grandparents and i'm so glad that she is able to have that kind of bond with them. I receive pictures sometimes through out the day of her and what she is doing. I miss her at work and always think about her and hope that she is behaving for her grandparents which lucky for me she does really well even when she is sick. I feel that she has appreciation for my husband and I and she enjoys the days she has with us when we are both of and each of us one day off while the other one is working so she gets one on one time with us to we call it her "Special day".  Now i'm going to start taking a Phlebotomy class on August 4th  Monday and Wednesday nights and Monday night is going to be the hardest because I work 7-4pm and the have class 6-10 pm so I will have little time with her that day which means her bedtime might be later. On Wednesday I have it off so she will have the day with me and then spend time with daddy till he goes to basketball and she will then spend it with her grandparents. We will get off the same time that night, it is only for the month of August but this will help me get a better job so that I can help provide more and make it even less and we can have more money to put down on our house in Wyoming that we are building next year. When I hear her happy voice running and saying mommy with a huge smile on her face I know that I am doing things right and she is the happiest little girl a Mother can ever have, and that she has no resentment for how Bentley and I are raising her.

This is from the Family Reunion she attended with my parents today. 

 

A Date in the Mountains doing something we both LOVE fishing

Last Wednesday Bentley surprised` me date he got everything all worked out before he told me after work on Tuesday. He had my mom watch Danika for the night so that we could get up and go fishing at 5:00 am it was the best date ever, we caught 8 fish!!! We also picked up a quad racer to get it up and going for our trip in 6 days to Island Park for my grandpa's 80th birthday party!

I caught a Fish!

Getting our quad racer ready

He is just the most amazing down to earth guy out there

Family Pictures

My grandpa 80th birthday is coming up and so my aunt had asked all of us for pictures of our family. It had been awhile since we had gotten family pictures done almost 2 years ago when she was just born. We decided to ask my mom if she would take some pictures at the pond where she lived she was all for it. After work we went to my mom house and got all ready for pictures. We get down to the pond and there was some geese and ducks there, my daughter that just loves animals so we chased the geese and boy was she mad when she scared them and they flew away. This in its self just caused a huge scream and an upset toddler. There was on duck that doesn't fly his name is Gus and she wanted Gus after that. We took her to see him and he dived into the pond. Well we went to sit down for pictures and all she did was cry for Gus so our first attempt did not work out to well. So the next day we went to Murray park where there was no form of animals besides dogs and their owns which were gone quickly. Here are our family pictures I hope you enjoy them :D 

Last but not least our 1st family picture ever 2012

The top photo's are where we did our engagement in 2008
The bottoms where we were in the exact spot 2014

This is Our Favorite 

Black and White sitting on a rock

Danika Personality Shines and I love it! 

This is our 1st attempt 

It is fun comparing pictures of Danika and I around the same age.

The people that know both my husband and I like looking at our daughter and saying "she looks so much like Sara" or "she looks so much like Bentley". The thing is to my husband and I she looks like both of us, she acts like both of us put together in one. Which sometimes isn't the best combination depends on which sides show in her, none the less we love her so very much and wouldn't change anything about her. I don't have many pictures of my husband when he is younger and i'm working on that. Right now here are pictures of Danika and I around the same ages.

Reassuring yourself even if it doesnt look like things are going in your favor.

My husband and I are getting ready to go on a family Vacation up to Island Park for a suprise birthday party for my grandpa 80th birthday. In the last days it has been discouraging. He is a dpt manager and his manager wants to reset mods and have him go overnight the week before we leave amd the day we wanted to leave he is scheduled an overnight shift. We were going ro leave when we got off at 4 pm that day to Wyoming to pick up our fourwheelers at our property and to get Island Park we have to drive through Yellowstone cause it is faster and prettier. Well with my 21 month old doing such a long huge trip in one day is just to much for her to sit. So we were going to drive to wyoming sleep the night then on to the cabin the next day to make it easier for us. Its going to be hard packing with a toddler with out my husband help and packing our pathfinder up in the process with her. My manager scheduled me to work a later shift that day. I just keep reminding myself it will all work out it has to....

Having a almost 21 month old around!

Feed her cousin

fourth of July

Life with my daughter is just simply surprising each day, there are times Bentley and I find that we can't keep our house clean or safe enough for her because she loves to climb everywhere, and into everything .  Her favorite food is pickles, and pasta. She loves being Outdoors and her animals. She is a tease and loves blowing raspberries at everything thing. She says yes and no, and sometimes full sentences like "papa is out outside" which she won't repeat and then only says words here and there. She is to smart for her own good, but most of all she was born with such a motherly instinct. She will feed, burp, grab diapers and wipes, and try to help change her cousin. Seeing her like this makes me want to have another child but it scares me at the same time.

Danika and I the same age

Life gave me the hardest challenges 3 deaths and 1 Miscarriage and 1 Tubal Pregnancy all in 1 year.

It has been awhile since I last posted and that is because I had a lot of hard emotions to over come, and i'm so thankful I had my daughter and my husband there by my side. In March a few weeks before my Great Grandma Barnes 97th birthday I received a call letting me know that she had finally` passed away. I was sad and happy because she had lived a long life and I had got to know her. After my post I miscarried on August 10, 2013 while I was at work. I worked through the whole miscarriage and stayed till my shift was over at 6:30 pm that day ( I work at Walmart in the Tire Lube Express out in the shop). That was a hard thing to do but I managed to work through all the cramping, pain, bleeding. It so happened to be on the exact same day that I miscarried on August 10, 2009 as to why I miscarried the exact same day I have no idea and it makes the day extra painful when it comes around again. One week later my Grandma passed away I felt so heartbroken and sad, during this time I sent my daughter up with my mom to Idaho Falls while my grandma was on hospice and that is all my grandma had asked me for was to send my daughter up there so she could spend time with her until she passed away. On the day she passed away my daughter Danika kept pulling on the bed rails until someone pulled her up and set her up next to my grandma and she hugged and kissed her and moments after she passed away and she hugged and kissed her one last time. My grandpa told me he that Danika was their light in the darkest hour and had made everything much easier on them. After my daughters 1st birthday my husband Grandma passed away the next day on October 11 very early in the morning. We said our goodbyes and everything had seemed liked it was finally going to be the last of it and we would finish the year off with no other things, we were so wrong. The week of Thanksgiving Sunday I left work early I couldn't move with out being in massive pain on my right side, it was so bad I felt like puking. My husband had a night shift that night and I told him I would be fine I manged to put my daughter to bed and then i layed in the fetal position in so much pain. On Monday morning the pain didn't go away so i called in and said i would be late to work because i was going to the doctors. Well while i was at the doctors he felt around and it was tender and I was telling him something was off I didn't know what was wrong. He said it could have been my uterus but he wanted to run a HCG and pregnancy test so I took my test and he had me sit in the room while i waited for the results he came in and said "your pregnant" so he did an ultrasound he didn't find the baby there I think that was one of the hardest things to hear is your pregnant and something isn't right. He then said we are going to do your blood work now if it is up there then we know it is more so I got it done and it was pretty high well he said maybe you just miscarried again. In a couple days come back and get your blood work done again. I went back and they had STAT on my paperwork I was still in pain and the medicine was helping some. They called later that day and told me I had an Ectopic (tubal pregnancy)  pregnancy and that I needed to get Methotrexate shot before my tube ruptured..During this whole process i still went to work, I finally after receiving the shot had to leave home friday because I looked so ghostly paled and felt sick to my stomach and felt like I was just going to pass out. I had so many things going on in my mind and different emotions. It took last part of November all of December and the first part of January to get my HCG level back to 0. I was tired of being in pain and feeling so drained emotionally, physically and spiritually I wanted it to all end. I cried when my daughter was sleeping,and sometimes all the way to my blood draws, and at times I thought it was never going to end. At work I always had a happy face on and smiled through the whole day, I got told  by a couple of co workers that you could have never guessed that anything was wrong, that is because I know that if i let it overcome me that i would not be my best for my family. I was thankful my husband was there to hold my hands and give me support when I needed him to be there for me. After everything and up till now I have come to terms with all my emotions and at least I do know that I have major scar tissue and it can happen again that is what scares me the most.

Methotrexate Shot

The night before she passed away

Bentley's grandma lovelady a few days before she passed away

The last time I got to see my Great Grandma 5 Generations
Oldest and youngest in Pink