Feeling broken

You ever feel like your body is broken? I have and still do in fact more like a ticking time bomb. I have been asked to track my ovulation because after all my losses I feel screwed up inside my cycle has changed. I just finished my period so I will be starting Ina few days. After having my scare on The 17th of this month because in was 2 weeks late and having a dull steady ache and pressure on my right side were my Ectopic was at my Obgyn had me get a STAT Beta Quant blood test luckily it was negative but I felt so sad took me a long time to find my happy place again. I knew inside that part of me wanted to be pregnant and yet it gave me anxiety because I haven't felt more like a ticking time bomb until now where my tube could go BOOM and I would be fighting for my life and feeling selfish for once again choosing between my life and my child life. I want it so bad but for some reason I have troubles keeping my pregnancy. Some have asked if Bentley sperm need to be tested but we know he isn't the issue. I am the issue I'm the one that is broken and we just don't know why blood tests come back good. I know my daughter is a miracle it took us 3years to convince her and she stuck maybe its cause she is so darn stubborn that's why, I am so blessed and grateful she is ours. I am keeping my fingers cross that everything will be all right when the time comes. Thank you for those ppl that have told me I Amazing I am  I don't know why you guys think that but it helped me a lot, more than you ever know!

Our very short vacation to the mountains we go.

Its been two days since we have been back from our very short vacation and trust me those two days of not being in Utah were the best 2 days of my life. I love being in Idaho and especially up at my familys cabin for lots of reasons. This time there was a lot of snow on the ground and usually we go up in the summer and seeing it in the winter is so breathtaking beautiful that it just takes your breath away. Don't get me wrong it does in the summer time to, just something about the mountains being covered in snow all you see is white, and Idaho is unique in its self. We got together has a family and cleaned the snow off the roof of our family cabin. I love getting away from technology and being with family makes it better. Danika climbed the ladder to the roof all by herself and then her and dad and most of everyone jumped or slide off the roof it was a blast. Being able to jump off is a scary thing its like in life you must take a leap a leap of faith that everything will be great and something will be there to catch you when you fall. You may not be able to know what is going to catch you but something always does. I loved watching Danika interact with Ridge and  Brinley it took her a few mins to warm up but she had fun playing trucks with Ridge. Then I picked up some new mascara to help my lashes and so far i'm in love with the results. I loved talking with my aunt and uncle and cousins I love seeing them and i'm very blessed that I get along with them. The mountains will always call our name, we love being in them.