Feeling broken

You ever feel like your body is broken? I have and still do in fact more like a ticking time bomb. I have been asked to track my ovulation because after all my losses I feel screwed up inside my cycle has changed. I just finished my period so I will be starting Ina few days. After having my scare on The 17th of this month because in was 2 weeks late and having a dull steady ache and pressure on my right side were my Ectopic was at my Obgyn had me get a STAT Beta Quant blood test luckily it was negative but I felt so sad took me a long time to find my happy place again. I knew inside that part of me wanted to be pregnant and yet it gave me anxiety because I haven't felt more like a ticking time bomb until now where my tube could go BOOM and I would be fighting for my life and feeling selfish for once again choosing between my life and my child life. I want it so bad but for some reason I have troubles keeping my pregnancy. Some have asked if Bentley sperm need to be tested but we know he isn't the issue. I am the issue I'm the one that is broken and we just don't know why blood tests come back good. I know my daughter is a miracle it took us 3years to convince her and she stuck maybe its cause she is so darn stubborn that's why, I am so blessed and grateful she is ours. I am keeping my fingers cross that everything will be all right when the time comes. Thank you for those ppl that have told me I Amazing I am  I don't know why you guys think that but it helped me a lot, more than you ever know!