Almost to the end along with decisions.

The 1st trimester was a roller coaster of up and down emotions every week and every ultrasound that I had done every week I was scared, nervous, worried and everything that could happen would. Yet I would talk me through the countless weeks up till the 2nd trimester. Once I hit that I was more open to telling people I was pregnant at work, though i was showing so it was hard for me to hide it sometimes. I have made it so far through cold, fever, flu season without getting it which has made me pretty happy considering that my immune system isn't has strong as it normally is. I was excited that I made it to the 3rd trimester and as I have been getting closer to my due date anxiety has settled in and i'm stuck trying to fight it. Earlier I hadn't forgotten that i had a miscarriage last year but it was just put someone where in the back of my mind. Then all the sudden in my mind I remembered that May 25th was just a bad a very bad day for Bentley and I. I'm scared that I have made it all this way and then its taken once again from us. I really don't know if I can handle the emotions of another loss, of being pregnant again over and over and over again... Yes this may seem irrational to some because they haven't been there and they don't know how hard it is. So everyday i'm happy to feel him move even if he is in a spot that I absolutely hate him in, or if I feel like a pinball machine inside i'm just grateful that the medicine i'm has helped my blood stay thin enough to support him and I during this journey. 6 more weeks left and 48 more days left till we are able to meet our baby boy and shortly after I have him I will be taken back to surgery for a tubal ligation which means no more birth control pills for me. That really does make me ecstatic!!!!!