It has been awhile since I last posted and that is because I had a lot of hard emotions to over come, and i'm so thankful I had my daughter and my husband there by my side. In March a few weeks before my Great Grandma Barnes 97th birthday I received a call letting me know that she had finally` passed away. I was sad and happy because she had lived a long life and I had got to know her. After my post I miscarried on August 10, 2013 while I was at work. I worked through the whole miscarriage and stayed till my shift was over at 6:30 pm that day ( I work at Walmart in the Tire Lube Express out in the shop). That was a hard thing to do but I managed to work through all the cramping, pain, bleeding. It so happened to be on the exact same day that I miscarried on August 10, 2009 as to why I miscarried the exact same day I have no idea and it makes the day extra painful when it comes around again. One week later my Grandma passed away I felt so heartbroken and sad, during this time I sent my daughter up with my mom to Idaho Falls while my grandma was on hospice and that is all my grandma had asked me for was to send my daughter up there so she could spend time with her until she passed away. On the day she passed away my daughter Danika kept pulling on the bed rails until someone pulled her up and set her up next to my grandma and she hugged and kissed her and moments after she passed away and she hugged and kissed her one last time. My grandpa told me he that Danika was their light in the darkest hour and had made everything much easier on them. After my daughters 1st birthday my husband Grandma passed away the next day on October 11 very early in the morning. We said our goodbyes and everything had seemed liked it was finally going to be the last of it and we would finish the year off with no other things, we were so wrong. The week of Thanksgiving Sunday I left work early I couldn't move with out being in massive pain on my right side, it was so bad I felt like puking. My husband had a night shift that night and I told him I would be fine I manged to put my daughter to bed and then i layed in the fetal position in so much pain. On Monday morning the pain didn't go away so i called in and said i would be late to work because i was going to the doctors. Well while i was at the doctors he felt around and it was tender and I was telling him something was off I didn't know what was wrong. He said it could have been my uterus but he wanted to run a HCG and pregnancy test so I took my test and he had me sit in the room while i waited for the results he came in and said "your pregnant" so he did an ultrasound he didn't find the baby there I think that was one of the hardest things to hear is your pregnant and something isn't right. He then said we are going to do your blood work now if it is up there then we know it is more so I got it done and it was pretty high well he said maybe you just miscarried again. In a couple days come back and get your blood work done again. I went back and they had STAT on my paperwork I was still in pain and the medicine was helping some. They called later that day and told me I had an Ectopic (tubal pregnancy) pregnancy and that I needed to get Methotrexate shot before my tube ruptured..During this whole process i still went to work, I finally after receiving the shot had to leave home friday because I looked so ghostly paled and felt sick to my stomach and felt like I was just going to pass out. I had so many things going on in my mind and different emotions. It took last part of November all of December and the first part of January to get my HCG level back to 0. I was tired of being in pain and feeling so drained emotionally, physically and spiritually I wanted it to all end. I cried when my daughter was sleeping,and sometimes all the way to my blood draws, and at times I thought it was never going to end. At work I always had a happy face on and smiled through the whole day, I got told by a couple of co workers that you could have never guessed that anything was wrong, that is because I know that if i let it overcome me that i would not be my best for my family. I was thankful my husband was there to hold my hands and give me support when I needed him to be there for me. After everything and up till now I have come to terms with all my emotions and at least I do know that I have major scar tissue and it can happen again that is what scares me the most.
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| Methotrexate Shot |
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| The night before she passed away |
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| Bentley's grandma lovelady a few days before she passed away |
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The last time I got to see my Great Grandma 5 Generations
Oldest and youngest in Pink |
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