It is fun comparing pictures of Danika and I around the same age.

The people that know both my husband and I like looking at our daughter and saying "she looks so much like Sara" or "she looks so much like Bentley". The thing is to my husband and I she looks like both of us, she acts like both of us put together in one. Which sometimes isn't the best combination depends on which sides show in her, none the less we love her so very much and wouldn't change anything about her. I don't have many pictures of my husband when he is younger and i'm working on that. Right now here are pictures of Danika and I around the same ages.

Reassuring yourself even if it doesnt look like things are going in your favor.

My husband and I are getting ready to go on a family Vacation up to Island Park for a suprise birthday party for my grandpa 80th birthday. In the last days it has been discouraging. He is a dpt manager and his manager wants to reset mods and have him go overnight the week before we leave amd the day we wanted to leave he is scheduled an overnight shift. We were going ro leave when we got off at 4 pm that day to Wyoming to pick up our fourwheelers at our property and to get Island Park we have to drive through Yellowstone cause it is faster and prettier. Well with my 21 month old doing such a long huge trip in one day is just to much for her to sit. So we were going to drive to wyoming sleep the night then on to the cabin the next day to make it easier for us. Its going to be hard packing with a toddler with out my husband help and packing our pathfinder up in the process with her. My manager scheduled me to work a later shift that day. I just keep reminding myself it will all work out it has to....

Having a almost 21 month old around!

Feed her cousin

fourth of July

Life with my daughter is just simply surprising each day, there are times Bentley and I find that we can't keep our house clean or safe enough for her because she loves to climb everywhere, and into everything .  Her favorite food is pickles, and pasta. She loves being Outdoors and her animals. She is a tease and loves blowing raspberries at everything thing. She says yes and no, and sometimes full sentences like "papa is out outside" which she won't repeat and then only says words here and there. She is to smart for her own good, but most of all she was born with such a motherly instinct. She will feed, burp, grab diapers and wipes, and try to help change her cousin. Seeing her like this makes me want to have another child but it scares me at the same time.

Danika and I the same age

Life gave me the hardest challenges 3 deaths and 1 Miscarriage and 1 Tubal Pregnancy all in 1 year.

It has been awhile since I last posted and that is because I had a lot of hard emotions to over come, and i'm so thankful I had my daughter and my husband there by my side. In March a few weeks before my Great Grandma Barnes 97th birthday I received a call letting me know that she had finally` passed away. I was sad and happy because she had lived a long life and I had got to know her. After my post I miscarried on August 10, 2013 while I was at work. I worked through the whole miscarriage and stayed till my shift was over at 6:30 pm that day ( I work at Walmart in the Tire Lube Express out in the shop). That was a hard thing to do but I managed to work through all the cramping, pain, bleeding. It so happened to be on the exact same day that I miscarried on August 10, 2009 as to why I miscarried the exact same day I have no idea and it makes the day extra painful when it comes around again. One week later my Grandma passed away I felt so heartbroken and sad, during this time I sent my daughter up with my mom to Idaho Falls while my grandma was on hospice and that is all my grandma had asked me for was to send my daughter up there so she could spend time with her until she passed away. On the day she passed away my daughter Danika kept pulling on the bed rails until someone pulled her up and set her up next to my grandma and she hugged and kissed her and moments after she passed away and she hugged and kissed her one last time. My grandpa told me he that Danika was their light in the darkest hour and had made everything much easier on them. After my daughters 1st birthday my husband Grandma passed away the next day on October 11 very early in the morning. We said our goodbyes and everything had seemed liked it was finally going to be the last of it and we would finish the year off with no other things, we were so wrong. The week of Thanksgiving Sunday I left work early I couldn't move with out being in massive pain on my right side, it was so bad I felt like puking. My husband had a night shift that night and I told him I would be fine I manged to put my daughter to bed and then i layed in the fetal position in so much pain. On Monday morning the pain didn't go away so i called in and said i would be late to work because i was going to the doctors. Well while i was at the doctors he felt around and it was tender and I was telling him something was off I didn't know what was wrong. He said it could have been my uterus but he wanted to run a HCG and pregnancy test so I took my test and he had me sit in the room while i waited for the results he came in and said "your pregnant" so he did an ultrasound he didn't find the baby there I think that was one of the hardest things to hear is your pregnant and something isn't right. He then said we are going to do your blood work now if it is up there then we know it is more so I got it done and it was pretty high well he said maybe you just miscarried again. In a couple days come back and get your blood work done again. I went back and they had STAT on my paperwork I was still in pain and the medicine was helping some. They called later that day and told me I had an Ectopic (tubal pregnancy)  pregnancy and that I needed to get Methotrexate shot before my tube ruptured..During this whole process i still went to work, I finally after receiving the shot had to leave home friday because I looked so ghostly paled and felt sick to my stomach and felt like I was just going to pass out. I had so many things going on in my mind and different emotions. It took last part of November all of December and the first part of January to get my HCG level back to 0. I was tired of being in pain and feeling so drained emotionally, physically and spiritually I wanted it to all end. I cried when my daughter was sleeping,and sometimes all the way to my blood draws, and at times I thought it was never going to end. At work I always had a happy face on and smiled through the whole day, I got told  by a couple of co workers that you could have never guessed that anything was wrong, that is because I know that if i let it overcome me that i would not be my best for my family. I was thankful my husband was there to hold my hands and give me support when I needed him to be there for me. After everything and up till now I have come to terms with all my emotions and at least I do know that I have major scar tissue and it can happen again that is what scares me the most.

Methotrexate Shot

The night before she passed away

Bentley's grandma lovelady a few days before she passed away

The last time I got to see my Great Grandma 5 Generations
Oldest and youngest in Pink

Im starting to accept this new change slowly!

On friday July 26 Bentley amd I were coming home from two weddings from draper and Provo I hadnt put much thought into anything that had been going on the previous weeks. Bentley  kept teasing that I was pregnant because I still hadnt gotten my period back yet so to prove him wrong I took a pregnancy test, when I looked and read pregnant I was shocked I mean come on I have a 10 month old and I had been taking my birth control like I was suppose to. I just was stuck in limbo not sure what to think. I was on fb and started talking to my friend that I call shop momma and told her I might be in trouble she asked why I told her what I just found out. She asked how many tests I said one she said take two more I said I would the next day she said that even so I am a tough chick and I could get through it and  will still be a good mom it made me feel good. I went to bought two more test they were bright pink I  pulles teara in the office and said that both where two pink lines bright pink. I was almost in tearsI still didnt know what to think besides oh crap. As the days continue on im still working on the fact and slowly accepting it and coming to terms.

A Battle

It has been awhile sine I have last posted and we are doing good, I am struggling a bit it can be so hard to be a full time mom and work full time but I love my job so much that I wouldn't give it up and I love some of the people I work with! We sold our car got a pathfinder and loving it so much it is so comfortable to take on trips and im so in love with it. I cleaned our garage out because Bentley was having a rough week and i did amazing!!! I have been struggling with some issues with my family and its been so hard to keep it separated from work. It seems like I can never get away from all the stuff they have put me through and I just keep trying to keep going I tell people I"m fine but inside I don't feel fine I feel like i'm breaking into a freaking million pieces while trying to keep it together there is literally a war going through my head, I'm always there for people I just need to ask so that someone will be there for me to help me to show the emotion I feel and tell me that its okay. I ended up telling my managers about the my past and how i was treated but it made me who I am today. Then I ended up telling them and another co worker what I used to do and its been so hard lately not to do any of it. I want to be healthy for my baby girl. I am stuck in that place where I can that I need to cry that I should cry but I can't and I want it to go away. I am so happy with my life and I hate feeling like this I want to be where I was emotionally before everyone started saying it was my fault for everything. Bringing old emotions up.... My husband, my daughter, and my work family seriously keep me going and i'm so grateful for that. Anyways Danika can cruse with the furniture and stand by her self I can't believe in a few days she will be 9 months old. I love this girl to death and her first tooth is breaking threw.

 I love her blue eyes

 So beautiful I can't ask for a better daughter

5 Months already?

I cant believe it has been five months all ready it still seems like yesterday i was in labor withour baby girl. Next month she will be eating foods it would take forever yo bet hete but ut flew by. Our princess can take steps forward while someone is holding her hands she gets so excited, it makes our heart melt and she is getting down crawling to she just wants to go everywhere there is no pauseing. She is a special kid by far and so smart like her Daddy those two together it melts my heart. Bentley made me a nursing cover yesterday allby himself it shows how much he supports my breastfeeding. I truly am so blessed.