Days like this I wonder am i really a good mother?

I love being a mom and I love having that special bond I get with nursing. Today was a little rough at work I dropped the bottle I had just pumped but still had one full bottle, I put it in the fridge went back to work. I clocked out went to the fridge and come to find that someone moved it to the top shelf and layed my milk bag on it side and all that milk 4 oz worth all gone evaporated, i wanted to cry I know that is stupid crying over milk. I just want the best for my daughter and nursing is the best and I feel bad when she has to have formula because she is allergic to the kind I have right now and so it makes her upset and cry and have a tummy ache and spit up.. It makes me feel like am I really a good mom I don't know whats upsetting her, how to make her feel better... It just can be frustrating, but look down at her precious beautiful face and smile I know that she really does love me and that some how i'm doing something right. 

I cant believe that it is  finally Christmas eve we have had family parties and she has seen Santa, one time she was awake and the other time she was sound asleep. Danika is long so sometimes we feel she seems older then she is. I cant wait for her to open her presents tomorrow morning. So excited ahh, well got to go to work.

The Birth Of Our Beautiful Daughter

 During Labor

Right after she was born

Proud and Very Tired Daddy

She is so Beautiful

Very first Bath

Her big toe is smaller then the others

I am new to this whole blogging thing and so i'm going to give it a try. I just become a new Mother to a Beautiful Baby Girl Danika Maylin on October 10th 2012 our Princess. I'll just start out with my labor story of how it went. I went in on the 8th of October to the hospital with contractions we were in the Triage center for three hours and at 11 pm they decided that I had not progressed far enough with contractions so they sent me home with Loratab I took one and went to bed, at 5 am I needed to take my second one and feel asleep and woke up at 8 am with my contractions seeming worse. I walked around the house trying to make them feel better but we decided to head up to the hospital again around 11 am where I was once again put in triage to see if I had progressed and I did but I wasn't a four yet my water had dropped and they could feel it when they checked my cervix. I was in pain and I did cry sometimes because I hurt. They had me walk for a whole hour and oh boy that didn't feel the best. Bentley was hungry and so we walked all the way down to Iceburg to get him food but I wasn't allowed to eat, only to d rink my water ( which is nasty). The ladies at Iceburg asked me if I was in labor and I told them yes I was and that I was trying to get at a 4 so that I didn't want to go home. They gave me advice keep walking and hopefully you have it today or tomorrow. We walked back up to the hospital and by that time it was an hour. We told the nurse that we were back and it took a awhile so i kept walking in the small room. It didn't feel good and neither did lying or sitting. When she came to check me I was a 4 finally and so she went to call the doctor and ask what he wanted us to do. I didn't want to be sent home because we live 30 mins away from the hospital and on my monitor when it said Admit I felt so happy. I called my mom and told her to come so that she could be their when I got my epidural cause Bentley isn't found of needles and this one is really long!  When she got there I got my epidural it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Thirty mins later they checked me again I was a 6 Bentley and my mom went down to subway to get food at that time the doctor came in again to break my water and while he did he checked me again I was an 8 they had only be gone 25 mins. We found out that Danika was transverse (shoulders first) and we weren't sure what that meant I really wanted to be vaginal birth not a c section. As the night progresses because how she was, she wasn't thinning my cervix like she should they would switch my sides and my cervix would pop up on the other side 8 1/2 cent and my other side was fully dilated they decided that i needed to be induced. I ended up with a fever during labor and was pumped full of antibiotics so that she wouldn't have an infection. By the time I came to deliver I was at 26 milligrams of pitocion. I was at 9 1/2 and they decided to have me push to see if that would thin my cervix to a 10 and it did. Finally it was time I pushed for 1 hour because of how she was she needed to have forceps she was so low that they had to get her out and could not attempt to do a c-section, and my birth canal was on the smaller side he could not get her to turn. I ended up with a episiotomy and she still manage to give me a third degree tear along with that. On October 10, 2012 at 5:25 am Danika Maylin Lovelady was born Happy and Healthy she didn't get an infection while I had my fever, she even had the lowest jaundice level in the nursery the doctors were surprised because our blood conflicts with each other she is A+ and has antigen while i'm O+ and have no antigens making her more susceptible to jaundice more . She came out really hungry moving her tongue and sucking and she latched on right away and fed she wasn't even 5 mins old when she fed. After we got up to our room I was put in a wheelchair and Bentley and I were taken into the nursery to give her a bath. I am so happy to be her mom to a happy smiling baby girl and her dad is so in love with her. We are so blessed.